Going to take you for a ride on a big jet plane….
Why am I writing this? Well probably for myself....however, if you should feel inclined or interested I would love for you to follow me along my ride. The highs, the lows, the unconventional...who knows?
During this second half of my life I am calling it my “enlightenment era” (thank you TSwift)....who can stop me? The skies have opened up....the lane is clear...I am open to whatever is coming my way. My friends certainly know that could be a number of things....big, small, typically a bit outside the norm:) After 20+ years in sunny, dreamy California I am packing my two dogs and bunny and heading back home. Where is home? Home is made up of boats, lobsters, clam chowder, thunder & lightning storms, fireflies (winter will be a whole other ball game...trust me...stay tuned:).....Home is family. Home is where I feel closest to my Mom. My Mom who I would snuggle up to in bed during my visits, each a nose in a book, my Dad sitting in his blue leather chair watching a Red Sox game, the sound of the boats rocking under the stars on the water, the chirping sounds of the cicadas. Love, peace, true belonging.
EXHALE
These past couple of years I have found true friendships, a community that embraced me for who I was, who I am. It's not a walk in the park divorcing after being married for 20 years. Wondering what friends would walk away, which would stay. The humiliation, the questioning, the looks....the pity that people would have on their faces when you would run into them at the grocery store. Failure. It felt like failure. Oh boy, that was a hard one to grasp. I wasn't one to fail, especially at my marriage. The overwhelming sense of disappointment. Disappointment with myself and most of all for my children. This was an alien to me. I grew up in a tight family, four older brothers, my parents were ONE. I was not going to fail, fall apart. I was going to keep it together. Until I could no longer....and guess what? I got through it, my girls got through it. Day by day, bird by bird, bean by bean....the pain softened, the pain lessened and we got through it.
COMING UP FOR AIR
Yes, the saying a breakdown is a breakthrough...I will forever believe that. I broke THROUGH. My throat was so constricted that I could barely breathe. However, when my chest started to expand rather than constrict (which is a horrible feeling) I slowly came back to life. I started regaining my voice - my being -my SELF. So many friends said "you are finally back again" - the softness, the laughter, the humor (I pride myself on my comedic abilities..much more of that to come - I am getting all of the serious stuff out on the table at the moment)..the letting GO. That's not to say that during this wonderful newfound Jenny I was still terrified. Terrified of being alone...terrified of the unknown...the loss of control, the loss of who I was. This was unchartered territory!
NEXT CHAPTER....
Please join me on my next journey in life if you so should choose...the unchartered territory that I am about to face and embrace! I would love to keep you all posted on all the magical moments that come my way.
With Love,
Jenny
xx